Dear Unforgettable
by emm297
Summary: Set after Gin's betrayal. He's sorry. She's depressed. So they write letters addressed to each other, but they know they will never be delivered, and will instead spend forever in their drawers. GinRan. Letter 1: I Love You.
1. Letter 1: I Love You

**Letter 1: I Love You  
**----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Matsumoto-san,

Hiya. Gin here. I know that this letter will never find you and instead will probably spend the rest of its life in the box on my desk, but I just had to write something to you. So it won't feel like you're not here anymore.

You may have noticed that I called you 'Matsumoto-san'. As much as I would like call you 'Ran-chan', I don't think I'm fit to do that anymore. Heck, I don't think I will _ever_ be fit to call you that anymore. Not after what I did.

I saw your face as I left. Let's just say it's not an expression of yours I would like to look at every morning. Was that hurt? Or betrayal? Or maybe, perhaps, regret? I think it was a mix of all three. If I knew that my leaving would cause you so much pain, I would rather you not be there to witness it. Maybe I should have asked Kira-kun to injure you badly. Not _very_ bad, just bad enough to keep you away. I know. I'm selfish like that.

It's been a day. Barely. And I miss you so much. I think being away from you has made me realize something.

Matsumoto Rangiku, I love you.

I know it's a late confession that will probably never reach your ears, but writing it out in black and white makes me feel better. It makes it feel as if you're next to me right now, watching me write this letter. I can almost smell the fragrance of your chrysanthemum-scented shampoo.

I realize not that I was always in love with you. Even back as kids.

Do you remember the first time we met? You were so cute even when you were so tired and hungry and weak. And as the years went on, you became prettier and more beautiful each day.

And then, we got older. Feelings changed. I started feeling a little restless when you were next to me. Remember when I have you the pink scarf that you always wear? I never told you this, but the day I gave it to you was the day that humans celebrated something called 'Valentines Day', when a boy would give a girl something simply because he felt different around her. I thought it would be fitting, seeing as how my head spun and my heart thumped everytime we were together. But back then, I didn't realize what that feeling was.

Then we entered the Academy. I saw much less of you. I was in the elite class and you weren't. We had different class, different dormitories, even our lunch breaks were different. But no doubt, every night I spent away from you just made me miss you more. I just never admitted it.

You see now, Matsumoto Rangiku? How, from a very young age, my heart became yours? Everytime you were near me, I had to use a great deal of self-control not to rush over to you and hold you close. Believe me, it was torture.

Despite me writing this, I know I may never get the chance to tell it to you in person. Even if I do, you probably won't want to hear it anyway, seeing as how I must have disappointed you. And I will probably never get to hand this letter to you.

Anyhow, I hope you're doing better than I am. At least, better than the state my heart is in now. Frankly, I don't think it is there anymore. 'Cause it already died yesterday when I left Soul Society, and I saw your face for what I know could well be the last time. Either that, or my heart was always with you, locked up and the key thrown away. Never to return to me, but with you, always.

Matsumoto Rangiku, I will never forget you. Even if the seasons change, my love for you will always stay the same. I really meant it quite literally when I said I wished you had held onto me a little longer. It would have made that much of a difference to me.

I'm sorry. For everything. I truly am.

Eternally yours,  
Gin.

* * *

To Gin,

Hey, it's me. Rangiku.

This letter may never reach you, but… okay. It _will_ never reach you. It will stay forever hidden in the box in the bottom drawer of my cabinet. But this is the only way I could think of that would allow me to express my utter loathing and disappointment –

And also, my love for you.

Shocking, huh? But anything's possible now, I realize, after the only man you ever really loved turns out to be the hugest traitor of all.

But the thing is, I can't stop loving you all the same.

I've tried. I really have. The past day I've spent doing paperwork (real shocker there), filing and walking. It's not helped. Everytime I try to forget you, my heart hurts, like it doesn't want me to forget you. It's horrible, you know, when you can't even control your own heart.

It's only been a day, but I already feel the difference. The air smells less crisp, and the birds sound less lively. Is this normal? What I'm feeling?

However, it's not just me who's felt the difference. The whole of Soul Society is in chaos. There's been talk of new captains, the 4th division is in a mess, and there's _so so so _much paperwork to be completed. But that's just the brunt of it. What's worse is that it's not just me who feels empty. Kira-kun, Hinamori-chan and Hisagi-kun all feel the emptiness too. I guess three captains defecting has taken its toll in their lieutenants, huh?

Everyone's been giving me these looks when I walk by. The kind that say "Hey-we're-sorry-for-what-happened" look. The braver ones come up to me to reassure me and tell me that everything's going to be alright. I think they think that having a childhood friend turning out to be something you never expected them to be hurts. And yes, it does.

This afternoon, Captain Hitsugaya himself told me to keep the paperwork and go drink sake, which is abnormally strange. Which got me wondering, am I _that_ easily read? If so, you must have figured out my feelings for you. After all, my heart was always with you.

The love part done, now for the hate speech. I hope you didn't notice my expression when you left. Hurt, betrayed, and worse of all, regret. I regret not realizing that you were so heavily involved in this. I regret not killing you on the spot. But most of all, I regret letting you go without telling you how I feel. If you did see my expression though, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be able to figure out what feelings were etched on my face. Or maybe you can. You were always so good at reading people.

I'm wondering what will become of me after this. I'm hoping you'll come back, and that this was all a dream, but reality keeps hitting me like waves crashing against rocks. It hurts, knowing you'll never come back to me ever again. It really does.

I hate you, but I can't help but love you. Oh, Gin, tell me what I should do now…

Got to go, Renji's here with my sake. I find that drinking is the only possible way I can take my mind off you. Even if it's for awhile, it's worth it. Saves me the heartache. Maybe after this batch of sake's gone, I'll pay Kyoraku-taicho a visit and see if he'll drink with me.

Ichimaru Gin, I love you.

And the worst part is, you probably don't love me back.

Forever yours,  
Rangiku.

* * *

Chit-chat:  So, this is a series of letters that the two of them write to help them deal with their feelings towards each other. The letters are in chronological order, so in this case, Gin wrote his letter first. I know Gin sounds a bit OOC, but I'll address that in his next few letters. Every chapter will have two letters – Gin and Rangiku, Gin and Gin, or Rangiku and Rangiku. They're both busy, you know, so they don't write everyday (:

And just a note, they didn't write these letters to each other (even if the salutation says so), instead they're treating this as a form of diary entry, and they know that the other party probably will never get to read these letters. So no, Matsumoto doesn't know what Gin wrote, and vice-versa. She doesn't even know he's writing letters, just like her.

Hope you liked it, if you did, please review!


	2. Letter 2: Pathetic

**Letter 2: Pathetic  
**----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To Matsumoto-san,

It's me again. Somehow, I thought of only you the entire day. Even Aizen-sama's meeting went in through one ear, and out the other. I didn't process it at all. Guess if I get scolded for not paying attention it would be your fault. _Not _that I mind thoughts of you swimming in my head, of course.

It's lovely here.

Oh, who am I kidding? Hueco Mundo is just a vast desert land. There's no scenery whatsoever. It's boring. I would rather much prefer to stay in Soul Society with you, but I have only myself to blame for being so power-hungry. I wish Aizen-sama had taken me on a tour of this place before we defected. Then maybe I would have changed my mind about coming here with him.

I miss you so much. It's pathetic. _I'm pathetic. _I spend so many years in Soul Society, hardly going up to you to catch up, and now that I'm gone, I can't stop thinking about you. Makes me wish I had taken more time to talk to you. I guess now I truly understand the meaning of 'You won't treasure what you have until it's gone'.

Remember when we first graduated from the Academy. Or rather, you graduated, seeing as how I finished the course in a year. You gave me a huge grin and waved after spotting me amongst the crowd. That was the first time you hugged me in front of so many people.

And then the days went on, and we started drifting apart. I spent my time following Aizen-sama, and you spent yours in the 10th division. We hardly talked. Maybe just brief random conversations about the weather (that you'd start) or the latest battle technique (that I'd start), but nothing like those chit-chats we had as kids.

I recall the last time we had a serious conversation was when we were much older. I had just become captain and you were present at the ceremony. You congratulated me and we started talking. Looking back. I'm quite amazed at myself for not stuttering back then; I was really nervous.

And then I noticed that you were wearing the pink scarf I gave you so many years before. I asked you about it, and you said that you thought it would be nice to wear it for such an important occasion. I vaguely remember me saying that it looked nice on you. Anyhow, from that day on, you wore that scarf every single day.

My dear Matsumoto-san, words cannot express how much you mean to me. If I could see you now, I would definitely hold you in my arms and tell you that I love you. Even if you don't return my feelings, I still need to say it out loud to you.

The sky seems darker than it should be, though it's usually very bright in Las Noches. Las Noches. Yeah, that's what Aizen-sama calls this place. Stupid name if you ask me. It sounds like 'The Nachos', which is a Mexican cracker you eat with melted cheese. It sounds kiddy. I would name it something like 'The Great Orchid' or 'Chrysanthemum Halls', because they remind me of you. Sounds better than Nachos.

Got to go, Aizen-sama scheduled another meeting. Damn the guy. Always having meetings. You'd think a genius like him would have something better to do with his time.

Yours forever,  
Gin.

* * *

To Gin,

Rangiku here. My Captain thinks I'm suffering from depression. He keeps telling me that spacing out and staring out the window is bad for my mental health, but I can't help it. Anyhow, I can tell that he's concerned for me. But he sure knows how to make me feel better – he brought in two crates of sake this morning and told me to "drink up". I really appreciate him more for all he has done for me. Especially when he's hurting as well because of Hinamori's current condition.

It's nice, you know, to have someone care for you. When we were kids, I had you. When we grew up, I didn't have anyone, but I didn't need someone to care for me anyway. Now that you're gone, I have my friends. DO you have someone to care for you over there I Hueco Mundo? I'm assuming that's where you went, because I think all Gargantas lead there, and not to some fancy hotel in the human world (I think Ichigo said something about a Ritz Carl– something… was it Ritz Carliel? I don't remember). Hmmm, does Aizen show you any concern; like the way I used to show you?

Strike that. I can't imagine the two of you together in a room. Urgh, it's disgusting.

Still, I'm a little jealous of Aizen. Why does he get to have you by his side and not me? And what did he have to offer you that made you want to betray us like that? Or rather, betray **me** like that?

Which gets me thinking: did you mean it? When you said you were sorry? You know, before you left? IF you did, then why the hell did you leave in the first place? We grew up together Gin, and you know me better than anyone else. So why did you leave, knowing you would hurt me? Did you not care about me at all?

See? I'm starting to question everything because of you. If I go insane, it's going to be your fault.

But then again, love makes people go insane. And since I'm pretty sure I'm madly, hopelessly in love with you, it's only a matter of time before I do go mad. Hope you at least feel guilty about that.

I can totally picture it now. A few years later, maybe even months, you'd come with Aizen and everyone to fight the Gotei 13. And you'd ask, "Where is Ran-chan? I want to see how pathetic she is right now". People will tell you, "She's gone mental and has been confined to her cell".

I'm trying to imagine what you are doing now. Are you scheming with Aizen? Or making fun of Hollows? Or playing blind-man's-bluff with Tousen (You used to joke about doing that)? Frankly speaking, I would rather you be trying to figure out a way out of Aizen's palm. You can't be a pawn forever, Gin. And you can never become a King either, so why bother? Was Soul Society not good enough? I have no idea when or how you got so power-hungry. Did I not know you to that extent? I'm wishing that you never left and that I could have a chance to stop you from going over to the dark side.

But the thing is, you **did** leave. Why Gin? Was being a Shinigami too boring? What about duty? What about honour? What about Kira-kun? Did any of these matter to you? Did **I** matter?

If making me feel angry, sad and disappointed was your aim, you've achieved it. I have no idea why I fell in love with such a… such a… **jerk**, but I did. Does that make you happy? Seeing me in such pain?

You know what? I'm just going to drink sake till morning comes again. Yeah, that's what I'll do. I'll drop by Kyoraku-taicho's place. I'm sure he would gladly drink some with me. Or maybe I can convince Hitsugaya-taicho to buy another two crates for me. That'll take my mind off you long enough.

Yours always,  
Rangiku.

* * *

Chit-chat: So yeah, here's chapter 2. Hope you liked it. I've been getting questions asking if I'm going to update OUMT, but here's the thing. I've lost all inspiration for that story. For now, I guess. I'm still going to finish it sooner or later, but for now, I'm going to take it slowly, and put it on hiatus. Sorry about that.

GinRan is such a lovely pairing.


End file.
